Monthly Archives: April 2012

What to watch this weekend: Efron in the marines, Steve Harvey the Guru, and Cruise scales bulidings!

Now it’s time for another installment of “What to Watch this Weekend.” So, before you get high with your friends in a Taco Bell parking lot in honor of 420, make sure to read up on what movies you high-self should view this weekend.

The Lucky One: Looks like all that singing in high school did not change Zac Efron’s mind about joining the Marines. In “The Lucky One,” based on the Nicholas Sparks book, Efron plays a Marine who goes on a search for a woman who he claims was his good luck charm all through his three tours in Iraq. Efron had to gain 18 pounds for this role, and he is probably the prettiest man on the Marines. And pretty people with guns need all the good luck charms they can get their hands on, and in Efron’s case, that good luck charm just happens to be a hot blonde.

Watch it or Drop it?: WATCH IT: Because you still haven’t forgiven yourself for crying during the Notebook, and you want to make sure it was just a fluke.

Think Like A Man: Based on the best seller by Steve Harvey, “Think Like a Man,” involves a lot of black folks bantering about love. No, this movie does not have Tyler Perry’s fingerprints on it. He did not write it, he did not direct it, he did not hang around on set. This is a black comedy that actually has nothing to do with Tyler Perry. And for that, we commend it.

Watch it or Drop it?: DROP IT: While their are a lot of talented comedians in this film, the trailer seems to go the route of the bread on my counter top, meaning the jokes are stale.

* For those who choose to stay at home and get high and drown themselves in junk food, here are some DVD picks that can accompany you.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol: Tom Cruise returns in another installment to the Mission Impossible series. There will be explosions, hot chicks driving fast cars, and Tom Cruise swinging from building to building for some reason.

Watch it or Drop it?: WATCH IT: The gals have Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, and Josh Holloway. And the guys have another Mission Impossible movie. Done.

Shame:This film is basically about a man who is bummed out because his sister is getting in the way of him getting boatloads of action at every possible opportunity. Yes, that man is Michael Fassbender, and yes, he known for being well endowed.

Watch it or Drop it?: WATCH IT. Because you want to see just how well endowed he is.

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What To Watch This Weekend: Sinking Boats, Sex, and Animals, Oh My!

Hola, Folks! You did it. You’ve survived another week and have made it to another weekend where you can finally drink your worries away until you end up naked in someones pool. Or, you can catch these movies instead:

Titanic 3D: It’s been 15 years since Titanic was released, but this time it’s back… IN 3D! It’s the same movie, but now things are jumping at your face and you’re girlfriend will be reminded why Leonardo Dicaprio gets her going (as if she needed a reminder). So, if you want to win bonus points with the lady friend, make sure you pay over twenty dollars in tickets so you can see a three hour movie that you’ve already seen. Hey, you can lend her your shoulder when she begins sobbing.

Watch it or Drop it?: WATCH IT: Yes it’s the same movie, but when are you going to be able to see Leonardo Dicaprio freeze to death in 3d?

American Reunion:   Another movie making a return this weekend, is American Reunion. It’s been about 10 years since Jim and his horny friends were on the big screen, and I’m sure you’re looking forward to seeing what other shenanigans their penises can get them into.  Based off the trailer, it seems this is going to be another installment filled with sex, gross humor, and Jim’s penis continuously being abused.

Watch it or Drop it?: WATCH IT: Because you may want to see awkward sex scenes, instead of a sinking boat.

*Not in the mood to overpay on movie tickets? (women don’t like cheap guys…I’ve learned that) Well, here are some movies out on DVD that you can watch with your significant other:

War Horse: In a film that is sure to make you bawl your eyes out, Steven Spielberg delivers a story about a young man trying to find his horse in the midst of World War I. While I miss 90’s Spielberg, this movie did bring in six Oscar nominations, so, old white people must love it!

Watch it or Drop it?: WATCH IT: Because you don’t own Seabiscuit and you’re glad Tobey Maguire isn’t in this.

We Bought a Zoo: Cameron Crowe brought you classic films like Almost Famous and Jerry Maguire, and now he brings you a film about….a zoo. We Bought a Zoo tells the true story about a family that renovates a zoo. It has Matt Damon, but he knows who he is and he isn’t kicking ass…he’s just cleaning it, I guess.

Watch it or Drop it?: DROP IT: Wait until this movie shows up on ABC Family.

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RedBox Gold Finds: The Terror Experiment

Among hundreds of movies and games that the glorious wondrous redbox offers, I sometimes come across something I like to call a “Gold-Find.”  According to the dictionary that I don’t have in front of me, a “Gold-Fine” is defined as discovering a movie or game that is so atrocious and cringe-worthy, it sickens you to think it took you this long to find it.

I present to you my first Gold Find. Ladies and Gentlemen:

THE TERROR EXPERIMENT

Yes, put this gem at the end of a rainbow. This was beautiful.

Let’s recap some of the notable faces we see in the trailer: C. Thomas Howell, Fat Judd Nelson, Jason London, and my favorite, Dunbar from MTV’s The Challenge.

Now let’s recap some of the fantastic one liners:

-” If we don’t get out of the stairs, we’re dead.”

-“They’ll label me a terrorist, but I’m a patriot.”

Hey, as long as Judd Nelson walks away from an exploding building and pumps his fist in the air, than this will be worth.

I officially stamp this movie, with a stamp I don’t have because I was too cheap to buy one, as GOLD.

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