Category Archives: Humor

Kristen Stewart Vs. Robert Pattinson: Who Do You Support?

While the entire world has been fixated on the Olympics, we have made sure to give some quick looks at another event that has shaken the entire universe…of teenaged girls: Kristen caught cheating on Robert! Yes, while athletes have been winning medals left and right, Kristen made sure to win the medal of shame after being caught cheating on her messy-haired boyfriend.

America’s painfully awkward couple has now awkwardly parted ways. But, loads of people  have had their own say on the  “important” matter; some support Robert, others support Kristen.

If you support Kristen, you sound like this:

” I mean, yes, she got caught cheating on her boyfriend, and yes she had to apologize to America, and by America I mean girls whose biggest decision is not who will get their vote this November, but whether they should be on Jacob’s or Edward’s team. But let’s cut the girl some slack. She has been stressed out from never showing any emotion in any role she has ever made. This was her way of finally letting loose…and being….loose. Her last two men have been a vampire and a werewolf, yet you want to skewer her because she wants some human love?  Have some compassion, people! How would you feel if you had the heart of a heartthrob, made millions of dollars playing your awkward self, and were worshiped by millions of middle school girls who favorite t-shirt is one that has the name of your movie sewn across it?  It’s a lot to juggle, don’t get on the girl for allowing someone else to juggle something of hers.”

If you support Robert, you sound like this: 

“The man found out his girlfriend was cheating on him with the rest of us: through tabloids. Can you imagine him just waking up, putting on his dirty v-neck, brushing  his hair with his hands, and seeing pictures of his girlfriend online making out with someone she met on a movie set? Someone not named Robert. He has every right to kick her out of his house, the same house they shared. The same house they shared awkward conversations every night. Conversations mostly filled with band tees, dirty hair, and white noise. The man is humiliated. I mean, he gave away is surfboard at the Teen Choice Awards. His Surfboard! But he didn’t need it because he thought he had someone he could lean on in Kristen. Little did he know, was that she was leaning on someone else…and something else as well.”

So whether you’re on Kristen’s side or Robert’s side, remember this: Forget about the upcoming elections, the Olympics, or any other world event that is on the news today. No. Make sure you choose a side in the Robert & Kristen drama. Make sure you tell the T-shirt shop whether you want “Team Kristen” or “Team Robert” as well.

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