Now that one of the most attractive and talented men in Hollywood is single, here are some suitors that would be sure to tame this chameleon of acting:
1) Winona Ryder: Because why the hell not? When these first two first got together in the early 90’s, they were definitely the talk of the town (do people still say “talk of the town?). So, now that these two have matured quite a bit, it would be a great story if these two lovebirds could reunite. Winona could share stories from the past when she was a thief, and Johnny can talk about that time he worked with Tim Burton….Johnny would have a lot of stories about that one.
Bonus Reason: Because there just might be a sequel to Edward Scissorhands.
2) Aubrey Plaza: Yes, I know, shes about 22 years younger than Johnny, but hear me out. She has the perfect blend of sarcasm and dry humor, that would mix well with Johnny’s calm and quiet approach to life. Plus, they are both lovely in interviews, as well as they both have wonderful comedic deliveries.
Bonus Reason: Because Johnny Depp would appear on Parks and Recreation.
3) Lana Del Rey: There are times that I feel that Lana should appear in a movie with Johnny. She has that strange and mysterious aura about her. It is the same kind of mysterious aura that Johnny has perfected so well over these years. While I feel Johnny would have control of most of their conversations, I’m sure Lana would happily oblige, and would be okay with just swaying side to side for him.
Bonus Reason: Because I want to hear Lana write a song about how much she wants to worship Johnny’s skin…or facial hair or one of his fedoras.
4) Rooney Mara: One of the hottest actors right now, talented, mysterious, and into charity work. I’ve basically described the male version of Johnny Depp. She is very sought after right now for many film roles, but I think she is the one that should be after Johnny’s heart. I mean, don’t you think they would look lovely walking hand in hand in some random European cafe discussing The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and that one movie that Johnny did with Angelina Jolie that nobody saw?
Bonus Reason: Because Johnny Depp would like to hang out with the NY Giants.
5) Tim Burton: I’m sorry. It was inevitable. It had to be done. These two are inseparable. They have done numerous movies together, and I’m sure Tim knows more about Johnny than he knows about his own wife. Plus, anytime someone asks them, “Hey, why are you guys always doing movies together?” Johnny and Tim can both in unison scream “Because we are in love!!!”
Bonus Reason: Because the Love Gods have been planning this all along.