Category Archives: Reality Television

American Idol Finally Lands Their Judges…

After months and months of speculations and rumors, American Idol has finally reeled in their four judges. Here is a quick breakdown of the four:

Nicki Minaj: One may not need to have “Closed Captions” on their television screens, as Minaj will not be rapping on the judges tables, but she will try to hand down her “wisdom” to the thousands of hopefuls on stage. It is definitely interesting to see such an artist, one of the most popular artist at the moment, take a shot at judging a singing competition, but people will tune in regardless, if not just to see Minaj’s choice of wardrobe.  

Keith Urban: Looking to add a little bit of country (although their is no Rock N’ Roll…I’m too young for that reference) Idol has gotten Keith Urban to agree to sit on one of those vacant judges table. Urban has the pipes, a respected career, and the experience to really bring some legitimacy to the table. Plus, we can all just swoon at his accent (look out for Australian fueled jokes aimed at him all season).

Mariah Carey: The biggest diva of them all will of course be Mariah Carey. Carey was the first of the four to sign, and she has already created a bit of a stir when she reportedly didn’t want Nicki Minaj to sign on. While Carey has an incredible voice, she probably needs this gig more than anyone, as her career needs a boost, and Nick Cannon needs to continue getting his allowance.

Randy Jackson: I’m sure Jackson now feels like a bit of an outsider now that three  popular artists will sit besides him. Jackson, entering his 12th season as an Idol Judge, still sounds like he knows what he’s talking about most of the time (and he his “dogs” and yo’s have dwindled a bit) so he is a solid holdover from last season. I really just want to see Randy and Nicki banter with each other.

Randy digs this.

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Who Should REALLY Grace the Judges Table on American Idol

After the recent departures of American Idol judges Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez (Did I miss the parade?) American Idol producers seem to be scrambling to reel in two judges that will: A, interest the young audience they are trying to reach, and B, compete with shows like The Voice and The X-Factor; two shows that are aiming to dethrone American Idol as the number one singing competition.

In order for American Idol to achieve this they need to acquire judges that are relevant, are knowledgeable about the music and/or the music business ( but, not really) and are interesting and entertaining enough to have people actually tune in every week.

Singing competitions isn’t about the talent anymore, it’s about who can get the most interesting judges. So, here are some top notch choices for judges, that would actually have people tuning in to see American Idol.

Russell Brand: Rude, crude, filthy, and was married to Katy Perry: Yes, Brand would be a perfect choice to judge others. I mean, the man played Aldous Snow, the lead singer of Infant Sorrow, in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and was more convincing as a rock-star than half of the musicians today. America’s Got Talent has Howard Stern, but Brand would actually be funny, and can fill the role of obnoxious English judge.

Charlie Sheen: What? You wouldn’t tune into American Idol if Charlie Sheen was a judge? Of course you would. He would bring in liquor, drugs, and probably smell like motel sex. The contestants can see first hand what the music business is really like. And maybe Sheen can dust off some of his old catch phrases that endeared him to us in the first place.

Nicki Minaj: Yes, she may be busy growling, and yes, America may not always understand her while she handed out her advice and tips, but we desperately need someone to replace what Paula Abdul left behind. She’s relevant, and her choice of outfits would be reason enough to tune in. Contestants can also see a good example of what not to be in the music business.

Michael Bublé: Because among Brand, Sheen, and Minaj, we would need someone who could actually offer up some good feedback, and someone who had actual talent. Bublé can play the voice of reason and sanity, and give a bit of credibility to the show (see, it’s all about balance).

If producers can get these four, I am sure that America will run towards their living rooms in droves to watch….for the first week at least.

 

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Things That Made Us Cry (Happy Tears!) This Week

While you’re grilling in your backyard, hanging at the beach, or talking with strangers on the internet while stuffing your face with food, like I will be doing, check out some things that brought tears to our eyes this week.

1) The Official the Great Gatsby Trailer is Released:

Leonardo Dicaprio was born to play Jay Gatsby, and Carey Mulligan and Tobey Maguire seem to hold their own in Baz Lurhmann’s over the top version of the classic novel. There is glitz and glamor and Jack White belting out U2’s song “Love is Blindness.” To put it simply, this trailer is perfect.

2) Philip Philips Crowned American Idol Winner:

Dave Matthew’s son, I mean, Philip Philips was named the new American Idol winner, beating out sixteen year old, diva in the making, Jessica Sanchez. While there didn’t seem to be a huge celebration, compared to previous seasons, watching Philip breakdown while singing his catchy Mumford and Sons type song “Home,” was definitely a great moment.

3) Anchorman 2 Teaser Trailers:

The mere announcement that there was going to be an Anchorman 2, was enough to leave me in a puddle of my own pathetic fan boy tears. With the teaser trailer released this week, I may just drown.

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Live from New York…The Top Ten People that Should Host Saturday Night Live

By Bryan Brunati

The following list showcases ten people that should lend their services to the iconic comedy sketch show, and put themselves up to be Lorne Michael’s bitch for a week:


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1)  Leonardo DiCaprio: Some people refuse to accept the fact that he may have a funny bone in his body.  While this Oscar nominated actor has blown us away in dramatic roles (The Departed, Blood Diamond, Revolutionary Road) it would be nice to see that he can hold his own on the comedic stage.

2)  Ryan Gosling: He’s graced the sexual fantasies of millions of women and unlike DiCaprio he has shown us that he isn’t afraid to show us his comedy chops (Crazy Stupid Love). Plenty of vaginas would appreciate seeing Gosling on the SNL stage.

3)  Nick Offerman: He’s Ron Fucking Swanson.

4)  Michelle Williams: This lovely Oscar nominated actress has delivered time and time again with extraordinary dramatic performances (My Week with Marilyn, Blue Valentine) but some may forget that she has taken the comedy route before (Dick).  I’m sure Lorne would welcome her with open arms. Plus, Jason Segel would be sure to make a cameo.

5)  Aziz Ansari: Treat Yo’ Self, Aziz. Parks and Recreation has finally put this comedy talent on the map and one can only hope that he would bring his filthy stand up material with him as a host.

6)  Robert Downey Jr.: It’s been 16 years since Downey Jr. hosted Saturday Night Live and that was when he was a drug-fueled douchebag. Sure, Downey Jr. is still kind of a douchebag but now he’s a lovable douchebag, the kind of douchebag that forces us to spend money on his superhero and detective roles. SNL needs a little dose of arrogance and who better than one of the biggest talented tools in the world?

7)  Johnny Depp: Yes I, like you, was shocked to hear that Johnny Depp has never hosted SNL; the man is a chameleon for God sake! He literally carried what was supposed to be a modest hit, The Pirates of the Caribbean, and made it into a global phenomena. Fans would adore seeing Johnny and his best pal Tim Burton take over the SNL stage.

8)  Jennifer Lawrence: She only stars in the biggest movie in the world right now. (Do I even need to list it here?) Aside from the fact that she is delightfully bizarre in interviews, Lawrence has an Oscar nominee label in her back pocket, a strong following, and a future filled with dollar signs. Lawrence is the hot relevant actress that Lorne would love to have on his lap – I mean – stage.

9)  Brad Pitt: If he can find a way to escape his bundle of children for a few months filming a movie, then I’m sure Brad could find the time to make his fans happy and host SNL. Brad Pitt can clearly handle a comedic script and one would only expect him to thrive under the bright live lights of Saturday Night Live.

10)  Will Arnett: Perhaps the most underrated pick on the list, Arnett has always been a talented comedic actor. Most known for his role as Gob on Arrested Development, Arnett has never really gotten over that “hump” like say, Seth Rogen or Jonah Hill. An appearance on SNL could help show people how funny he really is. You know Amy Poehler would be in his corner all night.

So there you have it, Lorne. Now quit getting people like January Jones and Charles Barkley to host and start getting people that audiences actually want to see grace your stage.

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Scientists Say American Idol Cures Insomnia

Look, I’ve been watching American Idol since season one. Yeah, the days where Ryan Seacrest looked like he had just returned from a Fraternity Rush Event, and when America knew who Dunkleman was. But, as seasons have come and gone, it’s clear to see that Idol has gotten as stale as the bread that I ate this morning since I refuse to throw it out until I see mold growing on it.

And that’s how I treat American Idol; I refuse to throw it out until I see mold growing on someone. This week, contestants were given the task of singing songs out of the Billy Joel songbook. Granted, the pre-teens who watch this show have no idea who Billy Joel is and were just excited to see pretty faces like Colton Dixon and Philip Philips smile, so that they can melt into a pile of pre-teen happiness.

Yes, while Colton “My hair is my child” Dixon and Philip Philips were very fresh, original, and aimed to make their songs sound like their own and modern, other contestants just fell into the fiery pit of staleness. I was cringing when that Deandre Brackensick (you know, the one who allows birds to nest in his hair) sang “Only the Good Die Young.” It felt like it was 1994, and In Living Color  was plastered on my television.

Sometimes I want to shake the contestants and scream “This is 2012!” Yes, I understand their singing songs by Billy Joel, but they must also understand that people who watch this show have a pulse…and we would like if it kept beating.

Remember when David Cook took Lionel Richie’s huge hit “Hello” and made it his own? Or how about when Adam Lambert put America in a trance (and in an uncomfortable position) when he took Johnny Cash’s “Reign of Fire” and literally made love to himself on stage?

Those were the days. Come on, America! Don’t you want more of these contestants to make love to themselves on stage? I mean, don’t you want these contestants to bring back that spark that this show use to have?

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Deandre Agrees.

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